I will deactivate this FB Account somewhen during today, depending on when I am done to backup what I want to keep.
This shit here caused me nothing but severe pain and taught me nothing but one thing: I don’t mean anything to anyone but everyone means too much to me. So I choose isolation in attempt to avoid further damage and to bring light and order to the damage done so far.
To all those whom I ever told “I love” – whether in friendship, as family or in plain respect: I love you and there is no change. Taking all the memory along with me and remembering all the experiences which I have really been part of, are the most beautiful thing in my daily routine!
Come on, I was part and witness of one real life Lovestory. Two kids, who from their first glance at each other, remained side by side to share a lifetime. 15 years from struggle to struggle together as one, before they finally were given the right to get married. My heart was about to blow from happiness when I apeared at the actual wedding and I still curse Abu Nahasapeenapetilon for refusing to dance with me. Ha! Just to know they are living their storybook life with their beautiful little daughter, brings much peace to me.
Or to know, this crazy chick who has once risked her god damned life for a freakin icecream (!!!) is now the most caring subject of a mother for her adorable little cookie daughter. That’s fuckin’ lovely! I mean – this girl fell down the edge of a full size mountain making sure about nothing except to keep the ice cream cone in an upside position xD I still blurt out everytime I picture this – but eh girl -you could have died. Counting the force of the stumble which caused your fall + angle of the hillside x amount of dangerous woodpieces covering the ground + plus the count of rollovers your body had to overcome until your final impact on the ground = most hilarious accidental death of all times. >Click<.
Honestly, this was God watching and deciding to flash a miracle out of entertainment and because this would have been a cute last wish “to have some icecream”, so he granted it
Your baby girl will always be healthy and secure – don’t you worry – because you my dear, are a lioness!
Or, what maybe no one might know about, because unfortunatly those who participated are not part of my current life anymore: I was takin’ part in looting a god damned liquor store. LOL. But hey, I was with my bothers so I just enjoyed that experience to the max and I will never apologize. It was hilarious.
To remember you and what we shared, is to remember me and as I felt. So hopefully one day I will figure how to regain this happiness with some stranger here. Cuz there must be someone with the same kind of damage, thus the ability to understand and fucking “get me” as the whole which I am. Someone who will not let me hide myself or get away – but will kick in my walls to drag me out if needed.
When I say leave, he`ll come. When I say don’t, he`ll fucking do. And when I say no, he will make it yes. Because everyone who so far let me do things on my own because of my ability to do so – has not loved me. Everyone who hasn’t helped because I refused help – has not loved me. And everyone who let me leave – has not loved me. Because if there would have been just one to love me the way I love all people – I wouldn’t have been able to punish and hurt my own self that much. I would have never had to feel what I am feeling. If there would have been just one, he wouldn’t have let me hate me.