So, I got 14 people in my friendlist on facebook but I am severely active on that network. Means: I post a lot of things daily. My fiance once mentioned this on my last visit towards friends. He was like: “She got only 8 friends but she is ACTIVE!” I think he said that with pride because I don’t do things for other people but for myself. I don’t depend nor need feedback. My profile is my notebook, my diary. For sure I know more people in real life than on that social network, but as a matter of fact I refuse to add or accept all people cuz I like to keep my peace. I’m already bothered of the nonsense posts of some of my 14 pals. This is because I don’t think there is anything much personal about sharing youtube videos and random content from other entertainment pages. These people signal me: they don’t do anything interesting of their own selves and they spend their time wasting – browsing.

To be precise: My friendlist contains four co-workers which I added for the messaging feature but keep their updates off of my newsfeed, five (or six but one currently is deactivated) friends of my fiance of whom one I have not yet personally met, my fiance and my son and two random strangers I accepted because they really made their point about liking my content and they really live some interesting lifes on their own. They are artists.

Never would I like any kind of content just to be polite because I personally know someone. Sometimes I even get asked if I had seen this and that picture with the information of it been posted and I do not have a problem to admit I have seen it, leaving the person wondering how come I have not left a like. But I’m not a hypocrite. Simply I’m not much into people stalking and I’m not much impressed by shaky or out of focus snapshots displaying boring regular lifes. We are all living, we all have an appearance, we are all eating, socializing, working – whatever. I like things people put efford into. When I like a picture I like it for the composition or whatever catches my attention to like about it. And when there is a status containing a real message.

My whole newsfeed contains nothing but updates of pages I have decided to be of interesting and useful content. My interests are mainly limited to Religion (no scholar interpretions but Quran quotes and Hadiths because I interpret what I read for myself as obliged), Arts, Photography, Literature, Movements, Caritative Organisations, Psychology, Sociology, Marihuana and some plain useless entertainment pages to give my mind a rest.

My own profile is packed with self-conclusions, maybe non-sense texts and blogposts, Poetry, Quotes, Selfies, Self-portraits, Photographs of all sorts of random things, memorable moments and whatever I consider worth bookmarking cuz as I said I don’t share for others – I’m mostly collecting.

So, I am self-centered which is mostly mistaken with conceit. Truth is: there is nothing of more importance than exploring, understanding and forming the self. It’s a matter of intention. I don’t ask for anyone’s approval nor attention. And what I write or publish publicly is for those who may stumble upon it, while they are struggeling with theirselves. The message is: It doesn’t need an audience to exist and to do whatever it takes to feel comfortable with the self. Enjoy things for the sensation of which joy is and not for the approval of anyone else. Do things and try things, without someone to judge if it’s a failure or success. People will never judge you for your intention when you are acting to your best, but in the means of what they intend.

God knows how desperatly I have been trying to be loved to recieve comfort from someone else. Dear people, close people. And God knows how many times I have done things with excitement, just to get a queer look at the result and have them destroy it with criticism or misunderstanding.

Know one thing: The human race is not an honest kind. When the human finds weakness in a thing or even just get the slightest idea of superiority over a thing – he whipes it out. And this – superiority – is often just the imaginary conclusion of a narcissistic mind.


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