Let’s set something straight. We are all searching for our counterparts. For someone to love and to love us in return. Someone to share our lifes with. That one person who will be loyal and stay all the way to the end. And as it is with love, the right partner is not easy to find. The world is a big space with so many people to meet and in this chaos we also tend to make a few wrong picks. Got that.
I also understand that after a while some people can get a little desperate. But to find love, it needs one thing to understand: The goal ain’t just to find someone to love or to be attracted to. It needs the chosen one to return these feelings, that’s what makes a relationship.
Nowadays it’s happening way too often that a person claims another one simply out of their attraction towards them. They find this someone who meets all of their expectations, someone who appears almost magic after all of this time of searching and they just claim this person to be their one.
This is so wrong! And it is dangerous honestly! Emotions are a strong force people and once we give ourselves up in them, we let them take control over everything.
So when you find someone to be attracted to, make sure they feel the same thing in return. Because if they don’t do and you simply won’t accept their lack of interest as an ultimate thing, you start travelling on dangerous fields.
I cannot share my experience from the position of someone who loved this sort of way, but I can unfortunatly tell a lot about being the subject of this kind of obsession.
As I learned, this sort of people tend to misinterpret whatever kind of signals. Actually they depend everything on identifying such nonextisting acts of declared interest and start building their expectations and hopes based on them. The problem with this is: all of this shit can happen while you as the chosen subject of desire do not get to recognize a thing. This all happens out of your recognition.
Just at some point you find yourself fighting with someone who is not really that important a part of your life, acting as if they are of way greater importance. So out of a sudden, you may find yourself explaining to a colleague at work, how come you spent your day off with someone you are currently dating, while at the same time they try to convince you about what a bad pick you made. Or you got this great colleague who’s always right at your side to help you with everything, but then sometimes that guy has such a change of mood, you feel like you have done something to offend him without knowing any reason.
That kind is always close to compliment you. They observe all of your acts and keep praising your awesome decisions. Almost like satellites they stay in your orbit, to take care of and protect you. You get used to them, even start depending on them in certain situations and just when you start to feel like they have grown a bit too attached to you – it’s already too late.
What you have missed is everything they have sacrificed to fit into this position. They studied all of your habits and adapted to your scheme to become your right hand. They gave up parts of theirselves to fit your needs as they have concluded. Maybe they gave up drinking their regular beer after work because they recognized you do not like the smell which is coming from them. Might be they started reading related literature to answer your competence. Or they started to work out to suit your appearance. Whatever actually – it might have never been of your concearn, still this is what they have done to get closer to you.
The problem is: After all of this time of fascination and silent growth of admiration, they have become obsessed thinking they are the only one worthy of the treasure and they earned the claim of you as only.
In this state they have already built an irrational construct which is indestructable in their means of reason. You belong to them and if you don’t act in this manner you become the traitor. They be jealous of everyone catching your attention and become completely irrational in interpreting any kind of your interactions towards third parties.
The fact that all of this time you have a real partner at home is easily being ignored, because whatever outside of work is nonexisting. This relationship is irrelevant as long as they do not have to be confronted with this real opponent, so even if you keep reminding them it doesn’t matter. They focus on every enemy in the field – which in this case are other males at your workplace.
If you backup and ask them for distance they will try to find the reason. No matter what you say it will not occur to them that it’s them, but it has to be someone else who has claimed a right in you and thus needs to be identified and eliminated.
That’s when it gets dangerous. Because now they will observe you from the distance and hidden places and everyone you be interacting with might become the target of their vengeance. Or they will even try to destroy your reputation to get you out of focus of other possible admirers.
That’s how come many victims of this sort of admiration hesitate to make a move against these obsessors, because they fear the resulting consequences.
Unfortunatly there is often no resolution but to consult the responsible supervisor and have that person transfered or even dismissed. And if this is not making an end to that admirers obsession, court can help with a restraining order.
No one can be pushed into attraction and it is just impossible to make someone love you, who does not in first place. No matter how perfect they may meet your own expectations. This kind of admiration is ugly and useless. All it does is cause destruction of your own self and of the other. So make sure to not imagine things all too quickly and most of all, do not get lost in this circle as described above. There is someone for all of us and when you meet the right one, he will make sure to let you know his intentions are mutual.