Women. Great topic. I’m one of them but I have to admit I’m not getting along well with them. I don’t mean the socializing part, you know – somehow I have always been “integrated” and active part of the scene. Which is – and I have always been aware of this – thanks to my appearance. Cuz I’m shy around new people and I don’t even have this urge to be welcomed, so I try to actually remain the stranger outsider for as long as I can.

What I mean is, I do not like to attach myself to them. Women. In general they are irrational, competitive, backbiting, inconfident and not even real with theirselves. Like, most of them focus on the wrong things. They got the wrong goals and most of them are insanely instable – which is incredibly bothering to be surrounded by for a long period.

Most women are easily to be identified by a scheme. There is so less originality in this society, that most of them fit a drawer. And as our society is seperated in “circles” you can find the same pattern in each circle, no matter where you go. The big circle is usually split into three internal circles, which mostly be two compeeding groups and one neutral. The neutral group is of absolutely no significance for the two alpha groups. Each alpha group for sure has their center, including supporters, admirers and abusers. That’s how it all works.

Once you enter a new circle, let’s say a new work place, first you be observed and judged to pass the first filter. First filter is easy: appearance. You be good looking, the neutrals will naturally back off and meet you with awe. They are accepting you right away, well knowing to enjoy these first days in your presence because they are perfectly aware it will not last. Like they be sniffing your tail and know you are not going to be around anymore, as soon as the champions come snitch you.

Lesson: Never trust the first person you meet. They are nice because they want to keep you with them, but they do not really like you because of whatever imaginary difference to them.

After that, it’s mostly just picking sides. You gonna enter gossip zone, get overthrown with all sorts of private informations about strangers you did not even talk to yet and you recieve first warnings about the alphas. Of course it’s half the amount of cells warning you about alpha A and the other amount warning you about alpha B. That’s how pulling a rope works.

From this point on, most women start to transform. They adapt to the presented gossip – ridding from them what is signaled to be unpleasant based on the opinions served, in order to be swallowed up in this big mass called acceptance and you will never again discover who they actually were. Conformity is the key and works as a camouflage.

That’s what I hate. I’m not the person made to fit in. Thanks here to my traumas. I’m my very own alpha and I do not need a pack to survive myself. Being positive with my bipolar caused me this kind of confidence and that’s why I don’t mind the other anxiety part that much. My fear is based on things but much to be thankful for, it’s not based on the fear to be unaccepted.

And this is my problem with women. Most of them are aiming for acceptance. They do so well camouflaging and don’t even seem to mind giving up theirselves for this thing.

For my part, there is nothing sadder to see, than a girl trying so hard to fit in or to be accepted and recognized. And it’s even worse to see how this whole thing is being practiced. Killing curiosity. Strangeling own opinions. Forbidding the self to show off freely. All this shit is so harmful and I cannot imagine to be limited in this way anymore. It’s actually tiring to be surrounded by this whole plastic existing. God knows I’d cut a part off of myself to find a friend of my kind. Someone who doesn’t aim for cheap attention and admiration. Someone to speak honest and true even if it causes offense. Someone who rather remains in a small circle with genuine insanity, than in a pond full of dead colors.

Also I’m sick by all the hate this urge for conformity causes. Women hating each other for their bodies. Women hating each other for their face paint. Women hating each other for their contacts. Hating each other for their things. It’s hilarious. They are all aiming for the same thing, following the same lame strategy and then hate or envy each other for nothing but a reflection of their own selves. If a woman hates another woman, trust me she hates her for accomplishments she did not get to check on her own list yet. Like: I hate you for being a step ahead. Please drop dead. Why? Because they want to be the one to be death wished upon.

Doesn’t make great sense to me. I’m not living for hate. ‘Swim along and once you get weak take my hand’ – that’s my way. ‘You do not like it? Well, that is okay’ is another one. Very easy. I do admire and I do accept, not much more. But I do not compeed. Simply I did not figure what may possibly be a trophy for it. So much for that.


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