I was just preparing my breakfast with the radio on and heard a fun poll asking if its okay to light a candle in some church for some pilot who used his airplane to suicide and killed 149 people along with him. One girl called and said, lighting a candle for the killer of these … Continue reading Airplanes and Butterflies
So, I turned out to be incredibly bad in connecting. I can't communicate well with others and I have to admit I never really attempted to even try. That's something which comes along being bipolar and introverted and with all this irrational anxiety. It's not like I'm not perfectly aware of my deficits - the point is, … Continue reading
Once, my husband took me to Alexandria. We were just sitting there on the terrace of this cafe and looking out onto the beach. There was so much water surrounding us, like we reached the edge of the world and we would do nothing but share laughs and pour our hearts out... Photo: M. B.
I'm a big fan of solitude and silence. But really always being alone is shit. Most times - after a while - you learn to ignore the loneliness. But sometimes it just hits you. And when it does, you end straight on the ground. This can't be imagined. Like no one can imagine what death … Continue reading Solitude
So, I got 14 people in my friendlist on facebook but I am severely active on that network. Means: I post a lot of things daily. My fiance once mentioned this on my last visit towards friends. He was like: "She got only 8 friends but she is ACTIVE!" I think he said that with … Continue reading Me currently
I always had these people, telling me what's so wrong about me, in my life. But they wouldn't leave. In the end it was always me to go and them to realize: They remain with theirselves - unsatisfied. Always. No lie.
This is my mother's suicide note from August 2011. Well, let's say number one out of three but this was the final note and it says everything. Of course I had to translate it, but I made sure not to distort it. But there is not even anything to distort. "NO ONE SHALL SAFE ME! … Continue reading Her final letter…